Best Jokes

There were 3 friends stranded in an island. Exploring the island, the 3 men found a bottle so they opened it. A genie came out, and she said that she would grant them 3 wishes. The first man said, "I wish I was with my family" then poof he was with his family. The second guy said "I wish I was in a bar with my friends" then poof he was gone. The third guy was feeling bad and the genie asked, "What's wrong?" The man said, I'm lonely I wish my friends were here. Poof, his two friends were back in the island.

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead." The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words." The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale."

Do you know how to catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut!

Two golfers met at the club. "I heard about your terrible tragedy last week," said one.
"Yes," said the other sadly, sipping his drink. "I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he dropped dead on the ninth hole."
"I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too," the first man said sympathetically. "That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds."
"The carrying wasn't that hard. It was putting him down at every stroke, then picking him up again that wore me out."