Best Jokes

He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED..
He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.

At a meeting for peace negotiations Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussein were in Baghdad and when bill sat down in the conference room he noticed Saddam with three buttons on the arm of his chair. After a few minutes Saddam pressed the first button and a boxing glove sprung up and hit Bill square in the jaw. In the spirit of peace Bill decided to ignore this and continued talking until Saddam pressed the second button and a wooden bat swung out and hill Bill in the chin. Saddam started laughing. But again Bill ignored this and continued. A minute later Bill saw Saddam press the third button and he jumped in the air. But a big boot sprung out and hit him in the balls. Bill had decided he had enough of this and when home.
Three weeks later the peace negotiations were re-scheduled in Washington and as Saddam sat down in Bills conference room he noticed Bill had three buttons on the arm of his chair. A little while after they started talking Bill pressed the first button but nothing happened, Bill started giggling. They continued to talk then Bill pressed the second button, Saddam moved but again nothing happened. Saddam was getting a little jumpy and Bill was laughing even harder. A few minutes later Bill pressed the third button and stared pissing himself but like the others nothing happened. Saddam had enough of this, stood up and said, "That's it! I'm going back to Baghdad!" to which Bill replied "What Baghdad?"

At a meeting for peace negotiations Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussein were in Baghdad and when bill sat down in the conference room he noticed Saddam with three buttons on the arm of his chair. After a few minutes Saddam pressed the first button and a boxing glove sprung up and hit Bill square in the jaw. In the spirit of peace Bill decided to ignore this and continued talking until Saddam pressed the second button and a wooden bat swung out and hill Bill in the chin. Saddam started laughing. But again Bill ignored this and continued. A minute later Bill saw Saddam press the third button and he jumped in the air. But a big boot sprung out and hit him in the balls. Bill had decided he had enough of this and when home.
Three weeks later the peace negotiations were re-scheduled in Washington and as Saddam sat down in Bills conference room he noticed Bill had three buttons on the arm of his chair. A little while after they started talking Bill pressed the first button but nothing happened, Bill started giggling. They continued to talk then Bill pressed the second button, Saddam moved but again nothing happened. Saddam was getting a little jumpy and Bill was laughing even harder. A few minutes later Bill pressed the third button and stared pissing himself but like the others nothing happened. Saddam had enough of this, stood up and said, "That's it! I'm going back to Baghdad!" to which Bill replied "What Baghdad?"

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.