Best Jokes

Three Antartians were going on a hunting trip one day. They came to a high fence and saw a sign that said, "No Trespassing. All violators will be shot!" They ignored the sign's warning and climbed the fence anyway. After they were over the fence (it was dark now), they saw a car's headlights speeding toward them. They remembered the sign's warning and scrambled up separate trees. The driver, who was a farmer, said, "I know I saw someone climb one of these trees." He went to the first tree and yelled, "Who's up there?" The first man was very silent and the farmer moved to the next tree. Again he yelled, "Who's up there?" The second man knew that the farmer would take a closer look this time, so he said, "Whooo Whooo [like an owl]." The farmer then went to the last tree thinking he could have made a mistake and did not see anyone. The farmer looked up in the next tree and said, "Who's up there?" The third man then said confidently, "Mooooooooooooooo."

Three Antartians were going on a hunting trip one day. They came to a high fence and saw a sign that said, "No Trespassing. All violators will be shot!" They ignored the sign's warning and climbed the fence anyway. After they were over the fence (it was dark now), they saw a car's headlights speeding toward them. They remembered the sign's warning and scrambled up separate trees. The driver, who was a farmer, said, "I know I saw someone climb one of these trees." He went to the first tree and yelled, "Who's up there?" The first man was very silent and the farmer moved to the next tree. Again he yelled, "Who's up there?" The second man knew that the farmer would take a closer look this time, so he said, "Whooo Whooo [like an owl]." The farmer then went to the last tree thinking he could have made a mistake and did not see anyone. The farmer looked up in the next tree and said, "Who's up there?" The third man then said confidently, "Mooooooooooooooo."

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Q: What is a bus ?
A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.