Best Jokes

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.

Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, "What's your name?"
He answered, "Shut Up."
He asked again "What's your name?"
"Shut Up."
The police officer asked, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago."

Bob: "So, you say that you won the conversation with your wife yesterday."
Joe: "Yes, she came crawling on her hands and knees."
Bob: "Really? What did she say?"
Joe: "Come out from under the bed, you coward

Old Saying. . . .
My husband, being an astute shopper, as well as an employee at a large local hardware store, keeps an eye on all the closeouts and sales where he works. One evening he came in the door as usual, we exchanged our usual 'glad to see you' affection, then I noticed that 'I've got a surprise for you' look on his face. He held up two large sacks filled with items. In the two sacks were eight candleholders for 25 cents apiece, because he knows I love candles. The other sack contained ten bottles of window cleaner, which closed out for 50 cents each. I loved the gifts, but was overwhelmed with the quantity so I asked, "Honey! What did you do? Buy everything but the kitchen sink?" He grinned in his impish way and motioned for me to follow him. He is so good at that impishness I never know just what will occur next. Full of curiosity and love for my interesting husband, I followed him out to the car. He slowly opened the truck and low and behold! There was the kitchen sink! He grinned at me again and told me he couldn't leave such an expensive sink there when it cost next to nothing! I guess I'll have to find a different 'old saying' in the vernacular when it comes to my husband!