Latest Jokes

Ten Percent of the people make things happen.

Twenty percent of the people participate in what happens.

Sixty percent of the people watch things happen.

The remaining ten percent sit around confused wondering what happened.

Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times.

That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"

"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?"

A man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his pasture.

The man said, "No."

"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the worker.

As the worker turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the man went to his barn and turned his bull loose into the pasture.

As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the man hollered, "Show HIM your paper!"

You know you are lost and in a bad neighborhood when your GPS starts whispering directions.