Latest Jokes

The football team was getting clobbered. The first-string quarterback was injured. The second-string quarterback was injured. Even the punter was injured. All the coach had left was their third-stringer who had yet to play a down all year. He pulled the quarterback aside. "Look son, we can't afford to let them score again. We've got to run some time off the clock. Here's what I want you to do."

"On first down, run it to the left. On second down, run it to the right. On third down run it up the middle. The, on fourth down, punt it as far as you can punt it. "OK coach!" said the quarterback.

On first down he ran it to the left for 30 yards. On second down he ran it to the right for 40 more. On third down he ran it up the middle down to the one yard line. Then, on 4th down, the quarterback dropped back and punted the ball right out of the end zone.

When he got to the sideline, the coach was screaming! "What were you thinking?!!!?!!!"

The quarterback replied, "I was thinking I must be playing for the dumbest coach in the world."

“Your wife will hit the ceiling when you get home tonight,” said the barfly to his drinking buddy. “Yeah,” said his buddy. “She’s a lousy shot!”

Maurice was known among his friend for the promptness with which he sent his ex-wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his rush, he shivered and explained, “I’m afraid that if I ever should fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me.”

The humble little accountant had his suspicion. One day he left the office early and, sure enough, at home he found a strange hat and umbrella in the hallway and sitting in the living room in the arms of another man was his wife. Wild for revenge, the husband picked up the man’s umbrella and snapped it in two across his knee.
“There!” he said. “Now I hope it rains!”