Q: What did one English book say to the math book?
A: You have way too many problems
During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes! The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman. Did you see my face?
She said no, but my husband over there did.
Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"
Three guys from Jersey drove into the same Manhattan office each day via the Lincoln Tunnel. With gas prices rising, they decided to commute together, each one taking a turn driving in. One of them had to drop out though, because his eyes were bothering him. The optometrist told him he had developed carpool tunnel vision.