Q: What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the closet?

A: "Supplies!"

In fourth grade, my son had a huge crush on a classmate. So for Valentine’s Day, he bought her a box of chocolates and took it to school. When I returned home from work, I found him on the couch eating the same box of candy.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well, I thought about it for a long time," he said between chews. "And I decided that, for now, I still like candy more than girls."

This Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox, nothing more. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, one Xbox.

You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together.

Which was fine... because I bought her an Xbox.

Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet?

Because they are rain deer.