How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
A limbo champion walked into a bar...
He was disqualified.
Interviewer: "What would you consider one of your strengths?"
Me: "I perform under pressure..."
Interviewer: "Can you get give me an example?"
Me: (deep breath) "Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu ba de PRESSURE, pushing down on me..."
I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”
He said, “You have a wee cough?”
I said, “Really? Thanks boss, I could use a week off!"