Dad to his son: “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!”

Son: “Go on, then.”

Dad growls: “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

Son: “Dad, that’s Superman!”

Dad: “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called “One Two Three”, the other “Un Deux Trois”.

Which cat won?

“One Two Three” because “Un Deux Trois” cat sank.

Man: I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?

Little boy: I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.

Man: Why should I pay you so much?

Little boy: Because bank directors are always highly paid.

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”