Student: "Professor, I can't go to class today."
Student: "I don't feel well."
Professor: "Where don't you feel well?"
Student: "In class."
First Student: "Great Scott! I've forgotten who wrote 'Ivanhoe'?"
Second Student: "I'll tell you if you tell me who the dickens wrote 'A Tale of Two Cities'?"
"I'm suffering dreadfully from insomnia. I've tried all sorts of remedies, but I can find nothing that will send me to sleep."
"Why don't your try talking to yourself?"
"Why is it that a judge has so little time left for himself?"
"I suppose it's because he is so busy."
"Wrong. It's because he hands out so much time to other people."