A guy runs into a bar and just starts jogging in circles around the interior with his eyes shut.
"Holy crap! That's Bob, and I think he's sleep walking. Heck, he's sleep running!" the waitress exclaims to the bartender.
"He sure is fast asleep," the bartender replied.
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”
Well, she didn't put it quite like that. What she actually said was, “Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Washington Commanders."