I thought my new girlfriend might be the one...

But when I went through her drawers and found a nurse's uniform, a French maid's outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I changed my mind.

I figure if she can't hold on to a job, she's not the one for me.

A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager. “Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.

“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.”

I just want you to know that if I win the Powerball tonight, it won't change me.

It will change my phone number, my email address, my mailing address...

7/11 isn't giving out free slurpees this year!

Instead of offering free slurpees, they will be offering discounted gas at a price of $7.11 a gallon.