A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager. “Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.

“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.”

7/11 isn't giving out free slurpees this year!

Instead of offering free slurpees, they will be offering discounted gas at a price of $7.11 a gallon.

Me: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8 yr old nephew: "To get to the idiot's house."

Me: "Oh... uh... yeah, good one, haha."

8 yr old nephew: "Wanna hear another one? Knock knock..."

Me: "Who's there?"

8 yr old nephew: "The chicken."

My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

I, proudly and confidently, told her that he was just a poor boy from a poor family.