An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat. “My dad is an engineer. He can do anything. You know the Alps? Well, it was my dad who built them!”

“That’s nothing,” said the Navy brat. “You know the Dead Sea? Well, it was my dad who killed it!”

I once went to Barnes & Noble. I asked the lady working there, “Where is the self-help section?”

She said, “That would defeat the purpose.”

What do you call a group of singing dinosaurs?

A Tyrannochorus

A ghost walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “What would you like to drink?"

The ghost says, “I’m just here for the boos.”