I tried cooking with wine for the first time.

After five glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen.

Teacher: "Where did Abraham Lincoln live?"

Little Johnny: "At the Gettysburg Address."

Hal was home from college for the holidays. He said to his little sister, Sue, ”Would you like me to read you a narrative?”

”What is a narrative?” Sue asked.

”A narrative is a tale,” Hal told her.

That night when Sue went to bed, Hal asked, ”Should I extinguish the light, Sue?”

Sue asked, “What does extinguish mean?”

“Extinguish means to put out,” Hal explained.

The next day they were at dinner when their dog made a nuisance of himself.

”Hal,” Sue said, ”would you take the dog by the narrative and extinguish him?”

The teacher noticed that Little Johnny had arrived at school wearing only one glove.

“Why have you only got one glove?” she asked.

“Well, Miss,” explained Little Johnny, “I was watching the weather forecast on TV last night, and it said it was going to be quite sunny but on the other hand it could get quite cold.”