A gold-digger had died and all her worldly possessions, including a parrot, were being auctioned off.

"What am I offered for this beautiful bird?"

"One bean," bid a bystander.

"Two bucks," roared another.

"Make it five, Daddy," croaked the parrot, "and I'll give you a kiss."

Little Johnny was awaiting the arrival of his piano teacher when his mother inquired, "Little Johnny, did you wash your hands?"

Little Johnny replied, "Yes."

Mother: "And your face?"

Little Johnny: "Yes mother."

Mother: "And did you wash behind your ears?"

Little Johnny: "On her side, I did."

Sunday School Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, I want you to memorize today's motto, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive."

Little Johnny: "Yes mam, but I know it already. My father says he has always used that as his motto in his business."

Teacher: "Oh, how noble of him! And what is his business?"

Little Johnny: "He's a boxer."

As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.

Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."