Sunday School Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, I want you to memorize today's motto, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive."
Little Johnny: "Yes mam, but I know it already. My father says he has always used that as his motto in his business."
Teacher: "Oh, how noble of him! And what is his business?"
Little Johnny: "He's a boxer."
During history class the teacher was discussing George Washington.
"George Washington, not only did he chopped down his cherry tree," the teacher explained, "but he also admitted to doing it. Does anyone know why his father did not punish him? "
After a few minutes of silence Little Johnny answered, "Maybe because George still had the ax in his hand?"
As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.
Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."
An inmate at the local detention center was sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another inmate was watching. Finally the kibitzer spoke up, "Wait a minute. I just caught you cheating yourself."
"Shhh! Don't tell anybody but for years I've been cheating at solitaire. "
"You don't say! Did you ever catch yourself cheating,?"
"Nah, I'm too clever."