What are secrets?

Secrets are what we tell everyone not to tell anyone.

Two steps for making great tofu:

Step 1: Throw TOFU in the trash.

Step 2: Put a thick RIBEYE STEAK on the grill.

I went to a new bank in town to open a joint account. At one point in the application they ask for the second name on the account.

Apparently the bank did not like my response. I wrote down, 'Anyone who has a lot of money.'

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and all it has been doing is GATHERING DUST!!!