The soldier asked for a furlough so that he might get married. "How long have you known this girl," the sergeant asked.
"Why, my lad, that's not long enough. I suggest you wait a couple of months, and then, if you still want to get married I will approve the furlough."
Two months later the soldier was back, reminding the sergeant of his promise.
"So you still want to get married? I didn't think that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for a couple of months."
"I know, sir. But this isn't the same girl."
A climate scientist and a climate-change denier walk into a bar. The climate-change denier goes to the bartender and asks for the strongest drink in the house.
The bartender takes out a bottle and says, "This is Absinthe, about 75% alcohol. Can I sell you a glass?"
The climate-change denier gets all upset and leaves the bar in a huff. The climate scientist says to the bartender, "Those climate-change deniers! You can show them the proof but they still won't buy it!
Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches.
"Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?"
"Car accident," said the man on crutches.
"When did that happen?"
"Oh, about six weeks ago."
"And you still have to be on crutches?"
"Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."