maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 459
# of followers : 4
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 1
Location: United States
won: $ 1222.00
$50.00 won 9 votes

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic.

9 votes

Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$25.00 won 10 votes

Mary's list for the throughout the ages...

What I Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

10 votes

Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 7 votes

My significant other and I were discussing mistakes we have made in our relationship.

I suggested she should embrace her mistakes.

She then hugged me.

7 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$15.00 won 8 votes

"Hello," exclaimed Jenkins, as he met his friend Jones. "You're looking a bit off color. Anything wrong?"

"I'm afraid there is," replied Jones, "I've had to give up drinking, smoking and gambling."

"Well, I must say that's all to your credit," commended Jenkins.

"Oh, no, it isn't," snapped Jones. "Its due to my lack of credit."

8 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "maryjones" |