A long winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the judges of the superior courts. The attorney had rambled on in such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively.

With a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court."

"My friend," returned his honor, "there is considerable difference between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."

One Saturday Little Johnny went fishing at a pond that was close to his house. After a couple hours of fishing the owner of the pond approached and indicated to Little Johnny that there was a "No Fishing" sign.

Little Johnny replied, "Well the fellow that printed that sign knew what he was talking about."

On a recent flight to Chicago it seemed that all the departure times were coming and going.

I inquired to the ticket agent, "What good are the departure times?"

"Well," began the genial agent, "if it weren't for those posted departure times we'd have no way of finding out how late we depart."

My local college just announced the end of a scientific study...

Results showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.