The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

"Ever have an accident?"

"Nope, nary a one."

"None? You've never had any accidents."

"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."

"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"

"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor,"You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."

After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was so guilty, so I told him to split."

A boy was sitting on a bus and eating one piece of chocolate after the other. A man sat down next to him and said, “Eating so much chocolate isn’t good for you boy.”

The boy answered, “My grandfather died when he was 112 years old.”

The man asked, “Do you think he lived so long because he was eating lots of chocolate?”

The boy answered, “He lived so long because he minded his own business.”

Just before Santa took off for his annual around the world trip, Mrs. Claus looked out the window and commented...

"It looks like rain-dear!"