maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 456
# of followers : 4
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 1
Location: United States
won: $ 1172.00
$25.00 won 10 votes

The lawyer was defending a man accused of housebreaking, and said to the court:
"Your Honor, I submit that my client did not break into the house at all. He found the parlor window open and merely inserted his right arm and removed a few trifling articles. Now my clients arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish an individual committed by one of his limbs."

The Judge considered this argument for several minutes then declared: "That argument is very well put. Following it logically, I sentence the defendant's arm to one years imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.

The defendant smiled, stood up and his lawyer helped him unscrew his clients cork arm, and, leaving it with the Judge and walked out.

10 votes

CATEGORY Dumb Criminals
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$10.00 won 8 votes

"Yes," said the lawyer to his client. "You have got the best case I have ever heard."

"Thanks," said the client, grabbing up his coat and heading out the door.

"Where are you going?" ask the astonished lawyer.

"I'm going to settle this case out of court," said the leaving client.

"But I told you it is the best case I have ever heard?"

"Maybe," began the client, "but not for me, I told you the other fellow's case."

8 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$25.00 won 8 votes

Milkman (to new hand): "Did you put water in the milk this morning?"

New hand: "Yes sir."

Milkman: "Don't you know this is wicked?"

"But you told me to mix water with the milk?"

"Yes, but I told you to put the water in first and then pour the milk into it. Then, you see, we can tell the people we never put water in our milk."

8 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$15.00 won 12 votes

Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame.

Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?"

Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"

12 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "maryjones" |