A man finished baby-proofing his house and his wife says, "Aw, honey, I thought you said you didn't want to have kids?"

He responds, "I don't. Let's see them get in now."

I spent $80 on a belt that didn't fit...

My wife said it was a huge waist.

If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be...

There's no need to remind her every half hour.

A man was found guilty of overusing commas.

The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.