What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?
My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3 am... can you believe it!?
Luckily I was still up playing the drums.
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary!
I said, “Mark, my words!”
Me: "I think I have a crush on Beyoncé..."
Her: "Whatever floats your boat."
Me: "No, that’s buoyancy."