I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
“You’ve given me one too many.”
“That one is a freebie.”
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the track.
A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier.
"Have you any two watt bulbs?"
"That’ll do, I'll take two."
"I thought you didn’t have any."
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...
But his brother Frank was a monster!