Past Winners

I never actually lose weight anymore.

Apparently, I just loan it out and it comes back with interest.

And lately, I have been getting great rates of return!

I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.

It’s not like I did anything!

My girlfriend just broke up with me for being too un-American...

But honestly, I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

I told the doctor’s receptionist I need an appointment.

“How about 10 tomorrow?” she asked.

“I don’t need that many,” I replied.