Past Winners

When I was young, I was poor...

But after many years of hard work, I am no longer young.

What do you get when you eat a rabbit?

You get a hare in your mouth.

In a well known fortune 500 company the employee lounge was seldom used. As executives walked by the lounge each day they noticed a man with his feet up, shoes off and a loosened tie watching the television.

The next day the man was still there and so on. After a week or so talk around the water fountain led many employees to band together and confront the man.

The group met at the employee lounge and asked the man, "Why are you here and who hired you?"

After swallowing the popcorn he replied, "The CEO is so busy he hired me to watch TV for him."

There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.

I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart.