holiday jokes

It's Christmas Eve and mom is busily preparing the last minute decorations in the family room when little Sally asks: "Mom, don't forget to put out the treat for Santa next to the fireplace."

The mom thanks Sally and goes to the kitchen for Santa's treat. Later, when putting her to bed Sally says. "Mom, why did you put a can of Slim-fast next to Santa's treat?"

Distracted and anxious to get back downstairs to finish the decorations mom replies. "Daddy is on a diet."

Q: What did the ghost say to the doctor?
A: I have a boo boo

An Irishman proposed to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick’s Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.

On learning it wasn't real she protested vehemently about his cheapness.

He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, he picked her a sham-rock.

Dracula was on a night out with his buddies and after much intoxication decided to call it a night. On his walk home he took a few back streets to shortcut. Upon walking down one such dark alley he was hit in the back of the head by a sausage roll but after looking around could not see whom the culprit was. Once again, in the next dimly lit passage he felt a chicken wrap splat across his back, thrown from behind, but again the perpetrator had hidden.

Finally as Dracula got to his castle gates, he felt a tap on the shoulder... he turned round to a dark figure wielding a sausage on a cocktail stick. No sooner had Dracula spoken than the dark figure plunged the stick into his heart.

Falling to the floor, Dracula uttered his last words... "Who are you?"... To which the dark stranger announced....
"I am Buffet the Vampire Slayer"!