Are you sure today isn't Christmas?
I just saw a bearded man in a red coat carrying a 70 inch tv out of my neighbors house?
Must have been a wrong address?
Santa walks into the psychiatrist's office very upset.
"Why Santa," says the psychiatrist,"Why are you here?"
"I can't deliver the presents to the children's homes!!!" replies Santa.
"Well, what's the problem?" asks the psychiatrist.
"I don't know," says Santa, "I get very scared and anxious and just can't go down the chimney. What is it Doctor?
"Do you know what's wrong with me?" asks Santa.
"Yes," says the psychiatrist,"I know exactly what's wrong with you, Santa. You are suffering from CLAUS-trophia!"
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
One day Dan asks Bob, “So Bob what did you get for Christmas?”
Then Bob says to Dan, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Dan says, “OOOOH WOW!!!”
Bob says, “Ya, I got the same exact color tie!”