holiday jokes

Behold it is written in the book of February.

Chapter 14

Verse 1

And it shall come to pass that on val's day, excuses shall arise again: my battery died, my credit got finished, my DP refused to change, my boss selected me for the trip, traffic jams etc...

When thou seeth this signs, be calm, fearthou not, keep thy peace and know that verily verily... thou art not
thy boo's boo, thou art a side chick.

Verse 2

Even when you receive gifts, calls, or were taken out. Remember my dear daughter that all will end on the bed.

Verse 3

Blessed is the boy that bothers not himself 4 any girl 4 peace I will grant to him.

Verse 4

Hear ye hear ye For girls so love February 14 that they
gave their only begotten dignity in exchange for a date, but know ye that who so ever doesn't make that mistake shall not have the fear of 9 month assignment.

Have you ever wondered why the angel sits on top of the tree? Let me tell you the story.

One December 23rd, Santa was very busy supervising the elves as they finished making their toys for him to give the children. As the elves finished for the day, Santa pulled the shift leader aside, telling him to make certain the elves rose at 7AM so they could begin loading his sleigh.

He went home to have dinner with his wife. After dinner, he told her he was going to bed as tomorrow would be a long day. He asked his wife to wake him at 6AM and have his clothes laid out and his breakfast waiting. Then he goes to bed.

He wakes at 8:30AM. He jumps out of bed and rushes around the room the get his clothes. He begins to grow angry as he dresses. When he's dressed, he goes to the kitchen. There is no sign of his wife and no breakfast.

Growing more angry, he quickly pours himself a bowl of cereal which he eats as quickly as possible. Leaving the dirty bowl on the table, he goes out to his workshop to find no elves busily loading his sleigh.

He stands beside the empty sleigh, trying to get his anger under control when an angel walks up to him, dragging an evergreen tree behind her. Expecting Santa to be his usual jolly self, she asks, "Santa, what do you want me to do with this?

I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the CRAP out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!