holiday jokes

~ Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder.

~ Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.

~ Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the games.

~ Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (e.g., "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.")

~ Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."

~ Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.

~ Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically, "It didn't work!"

~ Ring jingle bells maniacally saying, "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings!"

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?"

"She did," he replied, "But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!"

Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year...

And thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa card statement twelve months a year also.

What do you call a Turkey with a limp?

A gobble with a wobble.