holiday jokes

May your dressing be tasty, May your turkey be plump...

May your potatoes and gravy, Have never a lump...

May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize...

And may your Thanksgiving dinner, Stay off your thighs!

Bingo and Bango were two of Santa's elves assigned to make cheese for Christmas food baskets. However, they got into a slight argument about who was to do what.

"I know how to make cheese, Santa," said Bango. "The thickened curds and gelatinized whey separate from coagulated milk. We then press the mixture and allow it to ripen and cure. Voila, cheese!"

"There's a lot more to it than that," said Bingo. "I don't think you're experienced enough."

"Can't I just thicken the curds to help make the cheese?" begged Bango.

"All right, Bango," conceded Santa. "I'll let you thicken the curds, but Bingo gels all the whey!"

A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"

His friends, who had gotten quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"

The farmer said with a long-drawn face, "I have no idea. Can't catch it."

As patrons were shopping at the mall around Christmas, Bill and Fred heard a commotion coming from the area where Santa greets the children. "What do you suppose is going on?" asked Bill.

A nearby shopper told them that the new Santa Clause, an eccentric old fellow, had attached dozens of clocks, watches, and other various timepieces onto his big wide belt, circling his whole body.

"Let's go see him," said Fred. "He sounds like a nut, but it's worth checking out."

"Naw, I'm not interested," replied Bill.

"Why don't you want to see Santa with a bunch of clocks tied around his midriff?"

"I'll tell you why. It's a waist of time!"