holiday jokes

Every Easter our church stages an elaborate pageant. Last year the man who played Pontius Pilate had to work on the night of the dress rehearsal, and a chorus member substituted for him.

As we began rehearsing Pilate’s solo, the conductor stopped the orchestra. “Pilate, I don’t hear you,” he called out. “You’re not loud enough.”

“Pilate is at work,” a voice on the stage shouted back. “We’ve got our co-Pilate tonight.”

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.

“Great,” she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.

“I don’t want this box,” she said abruptly. “It’s been opened.”

My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework.

One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ___________.”

His response: “Receipts.”