holiday jokes

A little girl is in the kitchen watching her mother prepare for the following day's Christmas dinner.

She asks, "Mommy, can I please have a cat for Christmas?"

Her mommy replies, "No honey, you'll have turkey just like the rest of us."

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my text?"

I was doing some baking for the holidays, so I was kneading dough. It was getting late and I was tired so, I decided to leave the cleanup mess until the next morning.

The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the countertop.

Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI.

They confirmed that I did, in fact, have Ant-Tracks.

Yikes!

'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned
The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation!
So I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!!

I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...

HAPPY EATING TO ALL, PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!!!