holiday jokes

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?

Its true, Comet now cleans sinks.

Wife to husband...

"This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts... like ties and fur coats."

Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could go for lunch that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went to pick her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped.

"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the turkey."