I was doing some baking for the holidays, so I was kneading dough. It was getting late and I was tired so, I decided to leave the cleanup mess until the next morning.
The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the countertop.
Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI.
They confirmed that I did, in fact, have Ant-Tracks.
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned
The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation!
So I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!!
I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...
HAPPY EATING TO ALL, PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!!!
Two men were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into the lion's eyes and then runs. The second man stays, unmoved.
The first man looks back and shouts, "Why are you not running?"
The second man replies, "Why should I be running? You're the one who threw the sand."
BUFFET: A French word that means, "Get up and get it yourself." (Internet Source)
BUTTERBALL TURKEY: Someone who would rather watch a soccer match on TV than join the family for Thanksgiving dinner. (MsSam)
CALORIE: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food. (Lexicon)
CASSEROLE: Thanksgiving leftovers incognito. (Variation of a daffynition by Lexicon)
CIRCUMSPECTIVE DESSERT: Pumpkin pi. (MsSam)
FLABBERGASTED: Bewildered at your weight gain over the holidays. (Variation of an Internet Source)
FOODSTUFF: All you can eat buffet. (Charles G. Waugh)
FOWL: Four letter bird. (Variation of a statement in Art. Moger, ed., The Complete Pun Book, 1979, p. 99)
FOUL WIND: Breeze produced by a flying turkey. (Internet Source)
KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL THANKSGIVING DAY PARTY: The tur-key. (Joseph Leff)
GOBBLE: A bull that talks turkey. (Internet Source)