holiday jokes

Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could go for lunch that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went to pick her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped.

"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the turkey."

"I heard JC Penney was opening even earlier for Black Friday this year!"

"Really, when?"

"Halloween."

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."