holiday jokes

An extremely vain sorceress zoomed into the local dollar store on her broom, fuming from head-to-toe. “Which one of you morons is responsible for putting my name on your product without my permission? I’m going to turn you into a toad!”

A shuddering young clerk bravely came forward— “I’m extremely sorry ma'am; I honestly thought Witch Hazel was an approved product.”

“You idiot,” screamed the hag. “I’m talking about the Barbie doll!”

I think the whole "Autumn-is-in-the-air" theme has gone too far.

Today I went to Jiffy Lube and they offered me a "Cinnamon Spice" oil change.

Every year I like to hide a dozen Easter Eggs in the house for the grand children.

This year my wife said "No Way" until I find the two unaccounted for eggs from last year.

I used my best shower singing voice and did an audition try out to become a member of the local Christmas choir.

After the audition, I asked the director how I did. He said, "I will have you sing tenor."

"You mean right next to the baritones?" I asked.

"No," he said, "I mean you should sing ten or more feet away from the choir."