holiday jokes
Favorite this joke I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform.
"I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked.
The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You keep knocking on your own front door.
9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.
8. You ask for soft, high fiber candy only.
7. Someone drops a candy bar in your bag and you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.
5. The door opens, you yell "Trick or..." but you can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You keep having to go home to use the bathroom.
He who drinks a fifth on the fourth...
May not be able to go forth on the fifth!
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
Finally, the children called her to come downstairs. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
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