10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up two sizes, that would've fit.
9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
7. Well, well, well...
6. I really don't deserve this.
5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.
1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
Elf: "Santa, we have finished making mints for every child."
Santa: "Mints?"
Elf: "Yeah, you said make Altoids."
Santa: "I said make all toys."
Elf: "Altoids!"
Santa: "All toys."
Elf: "Well this is a disappoint-mint."
Can you please stop asking Santa for the perfect woman???
I almost got kidnapped 3 times today!!!
Thanksgiving Day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.
Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."
"Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied. "Then why is their dad carrying that rifle?"