holiday jokes
Favorite this joke Two men were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into the lion's eyes and then runs. The second man stays, unmoved.
The first man looks back and shouts, "Why are you not running?"
The second man replies, "Why should I be running? You're the one who threw the sand."
BUFFET: A French word that means, "Get up and get it yourself." (Internet Source)
BUTTERBALL TURKEY: Someone who would rather watch a soccer match on TV than join the family for Thanksgiving dinner. (MsSam)
CALORIE: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food. (Lexicon)
CASSEROLE: Thanksgiving leftovers incognito. (Variation of a daffynition by Lexicon)
CIRCUMSPECTIVE DESSERT: Pumpkin pi. (MsSam)
FLABBERGASTED: Bewildered at your weight gain over the holidays. (Variation of an Internet Source)
FOODSTUFF: All you can eat buffet. (Charles G. Waugh)
FOWL: Four letter bird. (Variation of a statement in Art. Moger, ed., The Complete Pun Book, 1979, p. 99)
FOUL WIND: Breeze produced by a flying turkey. (Internet Source)
KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL THANKSGIVING DAY PARTY: The tur-key. (Joseph Leff)
GOBBLE: A bull that talks turkey. (Internet Source)
A surgeon was invited to Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house.
The host deftly carved the turkey and said, "I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don't you think?"
The surgeon replied, "Anybody can take it apart. Let's see you put it back together again."
It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man, "I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"That one's too skinny. What else have you got"? says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes then brings the same turkey back out to the man.
"Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."
Free Daily Joke