work jokes

I got into an argument with this thug in a pub. I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, “I know where you live!”

I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn’t true.

A guy told his friends, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue."

Turns out his boss just got sick and tired of him.

"One of the worst jobs I ever had was when I used to be a narrator."

"Well, that doesn't sound so bad?"

"I was a narrator for bad mimes."

A woman working in a laboratory is responsible for keeping tissue cultures alive. So that she won't forget, she writes "feed cells" on her calendar. One day she noticed that someone had scribbled in "take cells for a walk."

By the end of the month, a number of anonymous reminders had been added:
Take cells to Disneyland...
Cells on vacation...
Cells back...

On Yom Kippur, someone added, "Jewish cells get the day off."