Best Jokes

Simple Joe who is mad for the horses thought he had a sure winner the other day at the track. The tote board listed his horse as starting at 25 to 1, and he knew the race didn’t start until 1:00 p.m.

Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

A cow and a horse got into an accident while they were coming around a blind corner. Who is to be blamed?
The cow... because she didn't blow her horn!

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman for all these years. Luigi replied to the assembled husbands,
“Wella, I've tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is that I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!” The priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!” Please tell us what you're planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary." Luigi proudly replied, "I'm gonna go get her."
(The Secret of a Long Marriage)