Best Jokes

A couple is traveling on the Kansas Turnpike resisting 40 to 50 mph crosswinds. At the tollbooth, the husband asks the attendant; “What do you people do in Kansas when the wind stops?” The attendant didn’t miss a beat when he answered, “We take the rocks out of our pockets.”

The president of a movie-studio who was not exactly noted for his knowledge of the English language received a well written story titled “The Optimist.” After reading the manuscript, he called a gathering of the most creative minds and announced, “Gentlemen, we got us a great story here, but I want all of you to think of something simpler for a title. There ain’t many people will know the technical term for eye doctor.”

“Your wife will hit the ceiling when you get home tonight,” said the barfly to his drinking buddy. “Yeah,” said his buddy. “She’s a lousy shot!”

Maurice was known among his friend for the promptness with which he sent his ex-wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his rush, he shivered and explained, “I’m afraid that if I ever should fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me.”