Best Jokes

Michael was selling a fine horse, and his friend Liam came over with the intention of buying it. "How much is it?" asked Liam, and Pat told him "500 dollars." Liam was startled, and said, "But sure, I could give only 25 dollars for even such a fine horse." "Done!" said Michael. Liam was surprised again. "How is it you came down so fast?" Michael smiled and said, "25 dollars is what he's worth, all right, but you're my friend, and I thought you'd like owning a 500 dollar horse."

Two classmates were chatting in their lunch break...
"I know how to get money real quick" says one,” how?"
"go to your dad and say, "I know the truth" and he'll give you money"
So the young boy went home and said "dad, I know the truth" and
his dad gave him ten dollars and told him not to tell anyone 'the truth'.
He then went to his mother, " Mom, I know the truth” he said.
"Please don't tell your dad" she said and gave him twenty dollars.
Content with thirty dollars he went outside to go to the arcade and saw the milkman. "I know the truth,” he shouted out.
The milkman replied "Well come and hug your real father then"

Three businessmen went to a luncheon at a restaurant.

While waiting for the waiter they were comparing papers. While passing a paper, the paper was ripped. At that the waiter returned to the table and request drink orders:
Waiter: What would you like, sir?
Businessman #1: Martini, please.
Waiter: how would you like it?
Businessman #1: on the rocks
Waiter: (to business man #2) what would you like?
Businessman #2: I'll have an iced tea
Waiter: (to business man #3) and you sir?
Businessman #3: A scotch.'
Waiter: how would you like it?
Businessman #3: TAPE!!

This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no”. Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied,” Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked,’ That mule for sale?'