Latest Jokes

I got a dog and named it "Twenty Miles". This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.

Stand-Up Comedian: "You should have seen my show last night. It was standing room only."

Stand-Up Comedian's Friend: "Oh yeah? You were that good?"

Stand-Up Comedian: "That, and the fact that some thieves stole all the chairs out of the club the night before."

A customer to the bartender, as he tries to convince him that he is not drunk... "I feel more like I do now than I did when I came in here!"

Sitting on the couch waiting for dinner, I thought I heard the wife ask which did I want for dinner, "beef, chicken or fish?"

Since it had been a while since I had any, I replied, "fish!"

Apparently that was the wrong answer. The reply I got was that I was getting "soup" as she was talking to the cat.