Latest Jokes

After I retired there was the problem of filling up the time that I was not used to having. My nephew said, "Bungee jumping is fun!"

I decided to try it and now I'm two inches taller... I can't walk, but I'm two inches taller.

A good old boy at the bar is always telling life stories. The time he spent five years here and ten years there. He’s been to many remote places like the Amazon living with natives and such. He’s been telling stories like this for years and the more he drinks the better the stories become!

I was curious as to how much time this amazing man has spent living a life others would only dream of. After adding it up, I have to admit he sure looks good for a man who has to be at least 130 years old.

Hearing his wife as she sings, the husband says, "You know dear, when you sing like that I just wish you were on the radio."

The wife smiles and replies, "Wow honey, you think I am that good?"

"No, but at least that way I can change the station or turn it off."

While traveling north to downtown I noticed police were stopping cars going south for sobriety checks.

At the end of the night, after one too many drinks, I headed home going south and took the bus which the police waved right through.

The next morning my neighbor called me and asked, "What is that BUS doing in your driveway?"