Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than the nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
Johnny answers, "Well if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Patient: "My problem is too much sleeping. I fall asleep as soon as I enter a bus."
Doctor: "So what? It is not at all a problem to sleep in a bus."
Patient: "But who is going to drive it if I'm asleep?"
Daughter: " I don't like the boy you found for me... his teeth are not in order and he looks ugly when he smiles."
Mother: "Don't worry about that. He will not be smiling after he marries you."
A priest asked a group of fourth graders in a religious class, "How many of you would like to go to heaven?"
All raised their hands except Johnny. The priest asked Johnny why he didn't want to go to heaven.
Johnny said, "I do, but I thought you wanted to go right now."