Latest Jokes

At an art gallery, a woman and her 10 year old son were having a tough time choosing between two paintings. They finally chose and went with the autumn themed one.

“I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one,” said the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the mother-son interaction.

“No,” said the boy. “This painting is wider, so it’ll cover the three holes I put in the wall.”

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"

Grandpa, caught off-guard, looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."

"But Grandpa, why not?" asks little Johnny.

Grandpa replies, "Well Johnny, because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."

A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation and found that the curtains were drawn around him.

"Why are the curtains closed," he said. "Is it night?"

A nurse replied, "No, it's just that there's a fire at the empty warehouse across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."

The young boy was spending a Sunday afternoon with his grandpa. Looking at pictures of his grandpa in his military uniform, the boy asked, "Grandpa, did you ever kill anyone in the war?"

"No champ, I never did."

"That's a good thing."

"You're telling me," began grandpa, "I was the cook!"