Latest Jokes

My Dad, who is a pastor, was reading the newspaper the other day and it had an article on our University’s football team who had 3 wins in the last 3 seasons. Then he says, "Hey Son, did I tell you that I ran into head coach two months ago down at the Supermarket?"

"What did you tell him?" I replied.

"Well, I asked if I could pray for him and he said sure."

I couldn't help but ask, "Did you pray that he would quit or that he would be fired?"

A elderly lady, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, that's okay, I’ll just look the other way,” she said.

The bartender then showed the elderly lady to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give her a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”

An elderly married couple enters a restaurant for dinner and orders some food. As the waiter serves the food on their table, the husband starts eating while the wife just looks at her platter.

Astonished by this rather unusual scene, a young man sitting besides goes over to their table and courteously asks the lady as to why is she only staring at but not eating her food, The women agreeably replies, "Well son, we have only one set of dentures and today it's his turn first."

At the Super Bowl party, Ken overheard two wives talking about their husbands and men in general. Then he heard the best quote ever from one of them....

"The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most complicated things that every guy understands, no matter how dumb he is."