Latest Jokes

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey, come over here buddy!" The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"

The horse replies, "Sure was, man I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still run."

The jogger thought to himself,"Boy, a talking horse!" Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer, "Hey man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field."

The farmer replies, "Son, you can't believe anything that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."

Relish today, Ketchup tomorrow.

My daughter asked if I could help her explain the concept of “modern math” to her youngest. I said sure, he just needs practical life experience and he’ll understand.

Just take him to the store, pass it a few times, then circle it once or twice before you pull into the parking lot.

The day after his wife disappeared, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced policemen. "We are sorry Mr. Smith, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the policemen.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Mr. Smith shouted.

The Policemen looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and
some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Smith said, "Give me the bad news first."

The Police said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning, we found your wife's body in the sea under the Third Mainland Bridge."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Smith swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The policeman continued, "When we brought her out, she had five fishes and three tortoises clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr Smith demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The policeman said, "We are going to bring her out again tomorrow."