Latest Jokes

The young and not so bright new pilot was learning to fly a helicopter. After two hours of great flying, she crashed.

When asked by crash investigator what happened, she said, "I got cold so I turned off the fan."

There is this boat on a jungle tour crowded with cheerful and motivated tourists. That was when they saw a frog sitting on the edge of the boat with a languid and sad look holding on to his old guitar. A tourist asks the captain what was the meaning of that?

- Look, sir. He likes attention, he is a "show frog" and plays and sings for fun. Whenever someone touches his left leg, he then raises his left leg and plays popular music. And whenever you touch his right leg, he raises his right leg and plays soft music .

- And if someone touches both his legs?

- Don't be dumb sir, if you touch both his legs, then he raises both legs, falls backwards, and sinks in the water.

My aging father who definitely qualifies as your stereo typical “grumpy old man” hasn’t adjusted well to technology. Mistakenly I taught him how to send text messages.

After a week of pure mayhem and upsetting most every family member, he blames “auto correct” for putting words in his mouth. Apparently he doesn’t seem to understand that auto correct won’t fix an entire paragraph.

Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.

After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. "So did you tell her?" asks Jeff.
"Yep", replies Bob.
"Say, where did you get the six-pack?"
Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me."
"WHAT?" exclaims Jeff. "You just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack?"
"Sure," Bob says.
"Why?" asks Jeff.

"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'Are you Steve's widow?'
'Widow?' she said, 'No, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow!'
So I said, "I'll bet you a six-pack you are."